Tuesday, September 11, 2001 is definitely a day that I will never forget as long as I live. Mr Moo called and woke me up. Since I was sound asleep when he called, I didn't manage to answer the phone, but I could hear him yelling through the answering machine "Get up! Get up! Turn on the news!" I had absolutely no idea what was going on or the impact that the events of that morning were going to have on the rest of my life. I immediately got up, came into the office and turned on the TV through my PC. Needless to say, it didn't matter what channel it was tuned to, it was everywhere. Planes had been hijacked and crashed into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The unbelievable and unthinkable had happened. Our lives as we knew them were over. We were entering a new age of fear, anger and uncertainty.

I began chatting with my sister through ICQ. Her cable happened to be out that morning so she was unaware of what had happened as well. I started broadcasting CNN through my EarthCam channel so that she and others who might not have access to a television could at least see what was happening. As I sat chatting with my sister and a few others, I watched as both towers of the World Trade Center weakened, swayed and finally collapsed - disappearing forever into piles of metal, dust and smoke.

It's nearly impossible to explain how I felt watching those events unfold. I'm sure if you were watching them happen, you know what I mean. The closest I can get to describing it is being in the middle of the most horrifying and vivid nightmare that you just can't wake up from. It was just so far removed from anything I had ever experienced before. The Challenger explosion was awful. The Oklahoma City bombing was beyond devastating. I thought this was the same until I began hearing the numbers. 500 missing. 1000 missing. Over 2000 missing. The number just kept climbing and climbing. As of today, nearly 5000 people are missing. 5000. 5-0-0-0. I can't even begin to understand what that number means. 5000 people gone. 5000 mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, wives, husbands. Gone. It tears out my heart to think of the families that must now find a way to go on without their loved ones, to find a way to make sense of this. I know I can't. There is no sense in this, none at all.

I spent virtually every minute of the rest of the week watching the news and the search and rescue efforts. Hoping and praying that they would find someone alive. Anyone. But with every passing second, that hope fades a little more. My emotions have run the gamut from sadness to anger and finally to numbness. I was and still am emotionally spent. Eventually, for my own sanity, I had to stop watching TV. I have seen the footage of those planes crashing into the towers well into the hundreds of times and, even now, I gasp with disbelief EVERY time I see them still. I have cried countless tears and probably will continue to do so for a long time to come. I have had conversation after conversation about the tragedy since it's all we can seem to talk about anymore. I check the news online several times a day to see if any survivors have been found. But I just can't watch it anymore. When I see an image of that plane or of the aftermath, it all comes flooding back. My mind reels and I feel as if the life has been sucked out of me. And every time I let myself get sucked back into that maelstrom of fear and terror, they win a little more. And I just can't let that happen. We cannot let them win. We cannot allow ourselves to be changed into a society of fearful people who are constantly looking over their shoulders. We are Americans. We are strong. We are survivors. We must go on.

President Bush has declared that we are at war. He has said, for all intents and purposes, that America should start preparing itself for a war like we've never seen before. The military is on stand-by. Reservists are being called up by the thousands. Our battleships are preparing. But this is more than a battle of guns and bombs. A war was declared the second that first plane crashed on the American psyche. The terrorists chose their targets carefully in the attempt to bring our country to its knees, not only financially, but psychologically. I'm sure they hoped that we would all go running for the hills, screaming in terror. Little did they know how much this event would do exactly the opposite. We have banded together as a country like I've never seen before and probably will never again. From the moment the first news reports began to broadcast, we ceased being Oregonians, New Yorkers, Texans. We all became Americans. Strong Americans. Proud Americans. Yes, we will mourn. Yes, we will tighten security so that this won't happen again. But we cannot allow this to change us. We WILL NOT allow this to change us.

After a conversation about how stupid some people, particularly Americans, can be, a friend of mine from another country once asked me if I was embarrassed to be American. I believe, at the time, I gave him a vague wishy-washy answer, something to the effect of "Enh, maybe a little, but I guess not really." I wish he'd ask me again now.

Moo
September 16, 2001

We've all seen the horrifying images from the attack and the aftermath. And I'm sure you're getting as tired of seeing them as I am. So, I've decided to put only pictures here that are either not of the destruction or from before the attack. If you have any that you would like to add, please send them along.

Widespread but only partial news coverage was given recently to a remarkable editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair, a Canadian television commentator. What follows is the full text of his trenchant remarks as printed in the Congressional Record.

"This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the earth.

Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States.

When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it.

When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to help. This spring, 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped.

The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, warmongering Americans.

I'd like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC-10? If so, why don't they fly them? Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American Planes?

Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon - not once, but several times - and safely home again.

You talk about scandals, and the Americans put theirs right in the store window for everybody to look at. Even their draft-dodgers are not pursued and hounded. They are here on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here.

When the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke.

I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake.

Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those."