I save every single one of them. I have the world's worst long term memory and forget a lot of things that have happened in the past. When I go back and read old cards and letters, they help me remember events that have happened and the people involved.

i save most of ours use them to lite the wood stove in winter

ROBERT:
I guess that's better than sending them to a landfill!

I save special cards and letters from close friends and family and have some that go back many years. I still have the last birthday card from Mom and Dad which Mom wrote out and sent a couple of months before she died. That's really precious to me. I also have all the letters from my ex-husband - we wrote constantly before we got married as we were living apart due to our jobs, and at the time they were written the sentiment was real and they stand on their own as a representation of when I was happy. Unfortunately, as he turned out to be a controlling bully after we got married, he made me destroy every scrap of letters, cards and photos from previous boyfriends so I no longer have those, and I regret that because they were a part of my history and I just wish I'd been strong enough to say no to their destruction.

GINGER:
I wonder what happens to people to make them become like that. I know I'm a control freak, but I would never impose my will on someone else like that. And it amazes me how people can hide personality disorders like that for so long from so many people. Did you have a long courtship?

Probably not as long as it should have been. My sister was seeing this guy, and my ex was actually his best friend so we all used to hang out together and do stuff. My ex was very quiet back then but we hit it off and I was insanely in love with him from the word go. We met in the April just before my birthday and started seeing each other. We were engaged 6 months later. Then he moved to London to work and so we lived apart for a year and only saw each other at weekends. We wrote loads of letters and I was sure of my feelings so I never questioned our relationship. I should have seen the writing on the wall even back then because the control thing started before we were married, but I just thought it will be OK, we'll work things out. We got married on 5th December - and exactly 20 days later on Christmas Day he made it quite clear that he thought I was a whore because I had boyfriends before I met him and that I was a dirty, shameful person (I would point out that I was 28 when I got married). This set the tone of our marriage. I was so convinced that I was a terrible person that I let him dominate every aspect of my life because I was afraid he would leave me. My own identity effectively disappeared. We had some genuinely happy times - I wouldn't have stayed with him 11 years if we hadn't - but gradually the balance started to tip and I was on the verge of a mental collapse by the time we separated - at my instigation, although my hope was that having some time apart might give us breathing space and time to think. I clearly remember the day I suggested us separating - it was a Saturday and I was getting ready for my morning college class (something else he didn't agree with me doing)- ten minutes after I told him he marched me round the house with a clipboard and started listing all the assets to be split. If he had once turned to me and said 'I love you, I don't want us to split up' I would have stayed. But he didn't. It took months to sort out the whole sorry mess - eventually he bought out my share of the house, and the same day the cheque went into my account he kicked me out. I was left homeless and ended up in a Travelodge while I was looking for somewhere to live. The next day he moved another woman and her kids in with him. Somehow I don't see myself getting married again.

GINGER:
Wow. That's quite a story. And I admire you for having survived all that and come out of it a stronger and better person. Personally, I would have kicked his sorry ass to the curb the first time he tried to mistreat me, but that's just me. I know it's not easy to walk away from any relationship when you know your feelings are true, even when the other person is a trainwreck. We've all been in that situation at one point or another. We put up with a lot more than we think we would/could/should because we have such hope for the relationship. I'm just happy you managed to get out of that one before it was too late. And, please, don't give up on the idea of marriage completely. There are some good decent men still out there. I know. I married one of them. :-)